Linda was a 43-year-old woman who had been sexually abused as a teenager. She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). She also felt her body wasn’t absorbing food anymore. She was slowly dying.
By learning to truly love herself, Linda healed from MS and, even more importantly, healed her life of misery. Self-love allowed her to thrive.
From the book “Shadows Before Dawn” by Teal Swan:
“On the other side of the door stood Linda, a 43-year-old woman who, despite her age, was the size of a middle-school student… Her hair was falling out, and underneath her skinny frame that looked as thin as a willow sprig, there was a resident sadness protected by a haphazard, masculine demeanor.
“As she stepped through the door, I was inundated by images of her as a child lying in a crib and crying with no one to pick her up. I saw an image of her sitting on the wooden stairs in her house, feeling as if she didn’t belong, her mother chastising her for not picking up her toys. I saw the emotional deprivation of her childhood, and I also saw images of her father coming to her bed at night when she was a young teenager to proposition her for sex…
“We sat in my therapy room, and Linda started off by informing me that she didn’t know why she was here. She didn’t believe in all this spiritual woo-woo stuff, but she had been diagnosed with MS and it was affecting her job so much that she felt desperate enough to give it a try.
“I began by asking her what she was having trouble with exactly, and she explained that she was a construction worker so she had to stand on the side of the road every day. She would experience dizzy spells and then her legs would begin to tingle and go numb; if she didn’t sit down, she would collapse and be unable to walk for the remainder of the day unassisted by a cane.
“At this point, Linda asked me if I was going to do energy healing… I told her maybe eventually, but I don’t like to treat the symptoms of an illness–I’d rather treat the cause. I asked her if she was really willing to dive deep inside herself to figure out what the problem was. She nodded her head in the same way that someone does before they are about to bungee jump.
“I asked her to pretend that she lived in a world where physical conditions were caused by difficult emotional and mental problems that people were facing. I then asked her, ‘What difficult mental or emotional thing are you facing or have you faced around the time that you started feeling the symptoms of your MS occur?’…
“She replied, ‘Well, I have a feeling that I’m dying. It’s like my body isn’t absorbing any food anymore. I get skinnier and skinnier and I don’t know why.’
“I gently asked her, ‘Do you want to live?’ She looked at me with this shocked expression and stayed silent for a few minutes, trying to suppress her emotion, until she finally started weeping.
“‘No,’ she wailed. I kneeled beside her chair, holding her while the emotion escaped her in great heaving sobs. When she started back up again, she told me that she was so lonely, but that she just couldn’t get close to anyone and that she had even thought she was a lesbian for a time because she was so afraid of men.
“I asked her, ‘Do you know why you feel that way about men, Linda?’
“‘Well, my dad used to sleep with me when my mom was pregnant.’
“I told her, ‘That’s enough to do it, right there.’ Linda started crying again and explained that that was the only time that either of her parents ever gave her approval and that she felt so guilty because she actually wanted to feel that way…
“After I explained to her that her reaction of wanting his affection, despite being scared, was a perfectly normal reaction to sexual trauma, I asked her how she felt about herself.
“‘I’m okay,’ she replied.
“‘Do you want to know what I think?’ I asked. ‘I think you hate yourself and wish you were never born.’ Again, Linda started sobbing.
“‘Yes, you’re right,’ she admitted. As is common with so many abuse survivors, the blame is internalized, and self-loathing becomes second nature…
“I explained that when someone doesn’t really want to live because his or her life is so hard, the body begins to give out. It is a form of passive suicide. On top of MS, her body was slowly starving itself to death.
“I went on to explain that MS is a disease that belongs to people who try to be all things to all people because they’re convinced that that is the only way to be loved. The stress and the pressure is too much, and since they won’t ask for help, their bodies eventually give out, forcing them to cut back and get help from others. I told her it was a message to let other people take responsibility for their lives and for her to focus on her and only her.
“Linda’s problem was self-love. She had none. And because she had none, she couldn’t accept love from other people either. On an energetic level, living without love is like the body trying to live without water. Together, we designed a manageable program with day-to-day practices around the core of self-love… She applied every process I have outlined in this book. She learned to base every decision on self-love. And just one year later, she was like a different person. Her entire life changed…
“One week after our first visit… She confessed to me that she had always thought that she hated pink. But actually, she had associated it with girlie girls and she knew girlie girls were vulnerable. She didn’t want to be vulnerable, so she rejected pink. Because she didn’t ever want to feel vulnerable again, she also rejected men and she rejected any aspect of her own femininity. She rejected her own personality, and she even chose what she considered to be a masculine job.
“Two weeks after our first visit, Linda confessed to me that she had discovered that she had always hated her job… So she quit. She determined that her true passion was plants.
“Three weeks after our first visit, she came to my house and started crying the minute I opened the door. She said, ‘This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve had to change everything–I mean everything–and I’m starting to realize that I don’t even know who I am.’ …
“Starting over isn’t easy. It can be downright torture. But as Linda found out, the pain of rewriting your life in the name of self-love will never compare to living the half life of being disconnected from your true self. Over the course of the first year we worked together, Linda moved to California to be near the ocean. She took out a loan to buy a little plot of land, which she lived on in a walled tent. She started growing medicinal herbs and eventually opened an online store where she sold her natural body products.
“Two years later, a chain of health food stores started carrying her products, and because she could afford it, she bought a little farm. Her hair started growing back, and after she settled on a diet that felt right for her, she began to gain some weight. She started dating a man who used to come to her farm to buy fresh herbs for his small local restaurant. They were married, and despite Linda’s doubts about being able to conceive, they recently had their first baby. And to the astonishment of her doctors, she has not had a single MS symptom for over a year.”
Ideas For Creating Your Own Miracles
In Teal’s words:
“Linda’s case is just one example of what can happen when you start to love yourself enough to care how you feel, and care how you feel enough to make the right choices for your life. Linda did not turn her life around because someone else did something to heal her… She turned her life around because she was brave enough to begin to allow herself to have what she had always thought she had to be given by others [i.e. she gave herself the things that she once believed was only available from others]. She was brave enough to risk everything in the name of learning to love herself.”
Please be open to the possibility that you too can create miracles in your own life. Let your inner wisdom guide you to what you need to make the shifts you desire. For me, Teal’s book “Shadows Before Dawn” was a great help in shifting from deep self-hatred to moving toward loving myself. In the Miracles Toolbox on this site, I also share other tools that has helped me.
May your days be full of miracles!
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all of the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~A Course in Miracles